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Rebekkah
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Joined: Sun Jan 25, 2004 5:25 pm
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Before You Go

Yes, I see you.
But I wish you would go away,
far away. If you would go
where I can't follow
I'd be free! Ha!
Isn't that a lovely thought?
Think: a glorious emptiness, that's all.
Maybe.

See, when you touch me, I have to shudder. Because
I know I should.
You aren't mine.
But you are. That is,
you musn't be, but you are.
So go away and you won't be.

But kiss me before you go.


Child

A wall of misery is surrounding me,
I lean against it.

Silly child! whom do you feel
sorry for? the wall or you?

Why me of course.

Foolish child! Don't you know
self-pity will only grip you
and hold you in one place
all your life? Foolish
foolish child!

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Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 12:39 am Report this post to a moderator
rainrose

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I liked "child" of the two. "Before you go" honestly confused me. The first stanza was nice and I think if you cut out the second stanza entirely, it would stand on its own. The dialog between the narrator/wall and the child was nice. I like what you were saying in the futility of self pity. :)
What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more.
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Posted: Sat Oct 23, 2004 1:23 am Report this post to a moderator
Ben Grader

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Rainrose, I think that the second verse makes the poem what it is, forbidden fruit always tastes the sweeter, the knowledge that: -

You aren't mine.
But you are. That is,
you musn't be, but you are

is the clincher here for me.
Rebekkah, Aren't you an old PQ'r do I recognise the name.
I liked this work, both thought provoking and message bearing.
Look forward to reading more of your poems.
Born and bred a country yokel
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Posted: Sun Oct 24, 2004 11:38 am Report this post to a moderator
Lerins

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I sort of see "Before You Go" not as something with any sort of "forbiden fruit," but rather as the story of a confused relationship that isn't working out any more. One of the people in that relationship is wanting to cling to it, even in the face of what's happening (which I imagine to be the other partner pulling away, being violent, cheating, or something along those lines).
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 6:34 pm Report this post to a moderator
Bluesy Socrateaser

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Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2009 6:14 am
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The first, reminds me of an old school song called "Reuben and Rachael" oddly enough. Maybe Ben can relate if he's still kicking.

The second troubles me a bit. I don't like the term "foolish child". There are obviously things children have not yet learned, and left to their own interpretations...well they simply lack experience.

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Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2009 9:58 am Report this post to a moderator
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