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Posted by Poetichick on Mon Feb 02, 2004 6:34 am
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My world's getting colder, <br>As it slowly comes to an end.<br>All my pain and my sorrow,<br>Is drain'n me dead.<br>So I sing my song,<br>And leave it all behind. <br>My `a travl'n words,<br>Suspended in time.<br><br>Despair through the sorrow,<br>Lead'n me to the end.<br>Watch'n the shadows<br>Pass before my eyes.<br>The melody that haunts me,<br>Stabs me through the heart.<br>My senses are fade'n<br>As I slowly go blind.<br><br>The light's get'n closer,<br>It's the only thing that I see.<br>I struggle to flee it,<br>As it only get near.<br>I'm to young to be held captive<br>A victim of my own demise.<br><br>Time for my faith<br>To be put to the test.<br>Please Lord stay near me,<br>And lead me home once again.
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Posted by Ben Grader on Wed Oct 27, 2004 5:46 pm
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I am surprised at the numbers of people who have viewed this and the fact that not one has commented.
<br>My criticsm starts with the 3rd verse.
<br>the line: - As it only get near.
<br>Surely this should be: - As it only gets near.
<br>or maybe: - but still it gets near.
<br>
<br>and I think the last verse has a weakness in the last line: -
<br>
<br>And lead me home once again.
<br>
<br>This reads better and says better if the <i><b>And </b></i> is left out.
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<br>Having said (or to those who wish to be precise written) that I must say that I am impressed by the strentgh of this work.
<br>You have punched out and put into words what some folks think but are unable to express.
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Posted by rainrose on Thu Oct 28, 2004 4:12 am
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I like the voice that comes out of this poem. I wasn't expecting the contracted use of "ing" (drain'n, travl'n, etc) (made me wonder if this is a song), but as I got into the rhythm of it, its kind of cool.
<br>
<br>"...travl'n words,
<br>suspended in time"
<br>awesome.
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Posted by Lerins on Thu Jul 14, 2005 6:51 pm
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<!--QuoteBegin--></span><table border="0" align="center" width="95%" cellpadding="3" cellspacing="1" bgcolor="#DDDDDD" class="wrap"><tr class="wrap"><td bgcolor="#999999" class="wrap"><b>Quote</b> </td></tr><tr><td class="QUOTE"><!--QuoteEBegin-->I wasn't expecting the contracted use of "ing" (drain'n, travl'n, etc) (made me wonder if this is a song), but as I got into the rhythm of it, its kind of cool.
<br>
<br>"...travl'n words,
<br>suspended in time"
<br>awesome. <!--QuoteEnd--></td></tr></table><span class='postcolor'><!--QuoteEEnd-->
<br>
<br>I agree, the contacted "ing" words seem to flow very nicely and don't seem as 'sharp.'
<br>
<br>
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Posted by Bluesy Socrateaser on Mon Mar 02, 2009 9:16 am
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I also heard a song happening in the flow.
<br />Why?
<br />Here's why:
<br /><blockquote ><div><cite>Quote</cite>So I sing my song,And leave it all behind.</div></blockquote>
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<br />You said it, and just the way I like it!
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