Experiments

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Posted by Rebekkah on Sun Feb 01, 2004 12:39 am

Before You Go Yes, I see you. But I wish you would go away, far away. If you would go where I can't follow I'd be free! Ha! Isn't that a lovely thought? Think: a glorious emptiness, that's all. Maybe. See, when you touch me, I have to shudder. Because I know I should. You aren't mine. But you are. That is, you musn't be, but you are. So go away and you won't be.But kiss me before you go. Child A wall of misery is surrounding me, I lean against it.Silly child! whom do you feel sorry for? the wall or you? Why me of course. Foolish child! Don't you know self-pity will only grip you and hold you in one place all your life? Foolish foolish child!

Posted by rainrose on Sat Oct 23, 2004 1:23 am

I liked "child" of the two. "Before you go" honestly confused me. The first stanza was nice and I think if you cut out the second stanza entirely, it would stand on its own. The dialog between the narrator/wall and the child was nice. I like what you were saying in the futility of self pity. :)

Posted by Ben Grader on Sun Oct 24, 2004 11:38 am

Rainrose, I think that the second verse makes the poem what it is, forbidden fruit always tastes the sweeter, the knowledge that: - You aren't mine. But you are. That is, you musn't be, but you are is the clincher here for me. Rebekkah, Aren't you an old PQ'r do I recognise the name. I liked this work, both thought provoking and message bearing. Look forward to reading more of your poems.

Posted by Lerins on Thu Jul 14, 2005 6:34 pm

I sort of see "Before You Go" not as something with any sort of "forbiden fruit," but rather as the story of a confused relationship that isn't working out any more. One of the people in that relationship is wanting to cling to it, even in the face of what's happening (which I imagine to be the other partner pulling away, being violent, cheating, or something along those lines).

Posted by Bluesy Socrateaser on Mon Mar 02, 2009 9:58 am

The first, reminds me of an old school song called "Reuben and Rachael" oddly enough. Maybe Ben can relate if he's still kicking. The second troubles me a bit. I don't like the term "foolish child". There are obviously things children have not yet learned, and left to their own interpretations...well they simply lack experience.